Find Your Special Place (That's Life Magazine)
That's Life - Feature Article
'Finding Your Special Place'
 

Chin jutting out with determination, the little boy climbed onto his bike and began to pedal. Randall Clinch steadied the bike for a few paces and then, with his heart in his mouth, he let go. Ted, four, pedalled furiously for a few metres then teetered and fell. Randall flinched as he hit the ground. It hurt to watch his son struggle but it was the only way.

Ted had been born prematurely and suffered mild cerebral palsy. Everything was harder for him than for his little brother Russell. 'Teddy. it's all in the mind,' Randall said, brushing the dust off Ted's jeans. 'If you decide you want to do something, you will.  ''I want to ride my bike,' Ted said and climbed on again.

Over the next few days, Ted fell a dozen more times, collecting cuts and bruises, but he refused to give in. Then one afternoon, Randall pushed him off - and he kept going and going. 'I did it, Dad!' Ted cried, and Randall was bursting with pride.

Randall believed everything in life came down to mind over matter. So when his back started playing up, he dulled the pain with tablets and tried to ignore it. He'd been a brickie for 15 years and couldn't imagine doing anything else. Besides, he couldn't read or write, so how else could he support his wife Jackie and two sons?

But the pain worsened until one day he went completely numb from the waist down. 'You need a major back operation,' the doctor told him. 'But I warn you, you may never walk properly again.'  Randall didn't want an operation - especially when there were no guarantees. He recalled what he'd told Ted: 'If you decide you want to do something, you will.'

He went home, threw away his painkillers and started to focus on getting better. At first he could barely move, but each morning he rolled out of bed and dragged himself to the bathroom. Every day he managed a little more until, after a month, he was mobile enough to start swimming. The gentle exercise was agony, but he slowly improved until he could walk without hunching over. Ted was his biggest supporter. 'You're looking good today, Dad,' he'd grin, and Randall's back would automatically straighten a bit more.

Randall reckoned if he could teach himself to walk again, he could learn to read, so he enrolled in an adult literacy course at TAFE. Within a year he could read and write and was well enough to take his boys fishing again. People used to comment on the way he seemed to radiate positive vibes.

Friends started turning to him for advice and even total strangers would pour out their hearts to him. One day he was taking a rest on a park bench when a man turned to him, 'My wife's driving me crazy,' he blurted. 'Sometimes I don't even want to go home.'

Randall looked at the man. He was obviously at the end of his tether. 'Tell me what you found special about your wife when you first met her,' he said. The man then thought for a moment and began to talk. As he spoke, the desperate expression lifted from his face, until he was smiling. When he'd finished, he held out his hand. 'Thanks, mate,' he said. 'You've helped me put things into perspective.'

Word got around. A manager from a large insurance company was so impressed by Randall he even invited him in to talk to his staff to help motivate them. The exercise was so successful, Randall went on to pick up work as a motivation consultant. He was an inspiration himself - coming from illiterate, worn-out brickie to this.

But his disillusion grew when he discovered he couldn't keep people inspired for more than two weeks at a time. After 18 months, he went on to become the manager for a property development company. Two years flew by and Ted started to complain of tummy aches. Finally, doctors gave their diagnosis. Cancer. Within a week, he was having chemotherapy.

Randall hated seeing his son suffer. He racked his brain for a way to help. 'Ted, if you could rank the pain out of 10, what number would you give it?' he asked. Ted thought. 'Eight.' 'Right. Let's bring it down together,' Randall said, and he suggested Ted visit a special place in his mind. 'It's a forest with lots of birds. You and Russell are there and we're fishing...' Ted began.

After that, every time the pain would become bad, Randall would help Ted visit his special place. He watched Star Wars videos with him, telling him the pain was like the good guys fighting the bad guys, the cancer. 'Well, the battle's on today, Dad,' Ted said quietly one day, and Randall had to look away to hide his tears. The doctors were amazed by Ted's ability to lower his pain level simply by focusing his thoughts. But while he could slow his pain, nothing, it seemed, could slow Ted's cancer.

When Ted's heart began to fail, Randall realised there was only one thing he could do for his son. He sent the doctors away and took his hand. 'Teddy,' he whispered, 'you don't have to fight the war anymore. You're not giving up, it's just your time to say goodbye.' Moments later, Ted slipped away.

After Ted's funeral, Randall returned to work, but he couldn't concentrate. He kept thinking about how Ted had reduced his pain by controlling his thoughts. Then it hit him.

'That was where I went wrong before as a motivation coach!' he told Jackie. 'I tried to inspire people with my words. But to succeed, they need to change their own thoughts and attitudes, like Ted did.'

Randall quit his job and slowly built up his consultancy work again. Within two years, major private and government corporations were knocking on his door. But he still didn't feel right. And finally he worked out why.

'I'm giving up all my high-flying clients,' he told Jackie. I'm going to help kids instead.' At first his lack of formal qualifications meant it was difficult for him to find work. But then one college asked him to work with a group of students with behavioural problems.

They were so impressed by his results, they introduced him to Bill. 'He has a terrible history', the teacher said, 'He's depressed and has tried to commit suicide several times, he has a drug problem and he's estranged from his family.' Randall visited Bill in hospital. 'I don't think you want to die,' he said. 'I think you want to stop the chaps in the top paddock - the voices tormenting you in your head.' Bill nodded. 'How did you know?'

They continued talking, and over the next few weeks Randall put Bill through his program. Within 13 days he was back at school and three months later he was in the top 20 percent of his class, had given up drugs and gone back to his family.

Today Randall travels from school to school, conducting seminars and living off donations. He has successfully turned around the lives of hundreds of students who had behavioural and drug problems and were under-performing at school, and has put together a program for teachers - so they, too, can use his methods.

"We are given the power to control our attitude towards an event and change its outcome,' Randall, 45, of Queanbeyan, NSW, explains. This is the lesson Ted taught me. It took me a long time to find my place in life, but thanks to Ted I have chosen my destiny - helping others to help themselves.'

Laini Bennett